Focusing on the positive, while waiting for the future to start

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It has been seven months since my husband told me that he is gay.  I am struggling right now with impatience to get on with the rest of my life.  I feel like I am on hold just waiting for things to happen, and I wish I could jump into what my life will be a year from now. I have two more weeks of college classes.  I have 5 more weeks until I will have completed my 6 month pre-op weight loss plan in order to have my gastric bypass, and then I will have to wait for approval, scheduling, and a 10 day recovery.  After the recovery period, I can find a job and hopefully claim my independence from my current situation.  For the past few weeks I have had a difficult time staying positive as I wait for everything to fall into place, so tonight I am going to focus on what I have accomplished in the last seven months.

  • I have lost 30 pounds
  • I have kicked my addiction to Diet Coke
  • I told my parents,and my sister
  • I told a trusted college instructor
  • I told a trusted friend
  • We told the kids
  • I started a blog…and people have even viewed it!!
  • I have almost completed 32 credit hours of college courses with a 4.0GPA (Two more weeks baby!)
  • I have gone to the gym and used the elliptical trainer almost every day
  • I raced my son up  a hill, for the first time in his life.
  • I have a mini cyber crush…..can’t wait to met him once I am hot, and no he has no clue I exist.  🙂
  • I have learned to negotiate 100 tiny conflicts with my future ex without losing my cool.
  • I have made sure that all 4 kids have their homework done, and make it to all of their extra activities.
  • I have made it through basketball season, hockey season, swim team, and I am all set to face baseball season and summer swimming.
  • I have gotten rid of two huge bags of clothes that are now too big.
  • I have volunteered over 25 times
  • I have worked ( extremely part-time but it counts right?)
  • I have updated my resume and cover letter

There, I feel better already.  I might have to print this out and read it often, but I am making progress and I am well on my way.

 

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And so it begins…

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48 hours ago, my husband and I sat our four kids down in the living room and told them that we were getting divorced.  My husband also told them that he is gay.  So far, everything seems eerily normal and everyone seems okay.

After working this out for the past few months, we knew that it was getting close to time to tell the kids. We agreed that we should tell them on the weekend, so they would have some time to process before facing the rest of the world.  Friday night, after baseball practice I asked him if he was ready.  We drove home and gathered our family in the living room.

All of the kids were asking what was up.  “Are we going on a trip?  Are we talking about summer?”  Finally our middle child asked if we were poor, or if we were moving.  I answered, “no and no”.  I took a breath to start the conversation and then she asked, “are you getting divorced?” I exhaled, and told her “yes”.  The next question of course was why.  My husband choked back his tears and told our children that it is because he is gay.

We spent the next half hour explaining that we were still a family, and that this is no ones fault.  We stressed that Dad and I are and always will be best friends, we just won’t always live in the same house.  We discussed the plan; I need to finish this semester of school, I need to have my surgery, and then I need to find a job.  Once those three things are done, Dad will get his own place.  Hopefully somewhere close enough that you can ride your bikes and that Dad is always welcome to come over to this house.  Family events will still be the same; Dad will come over to help with the Christmas tree and of course come over for birthdays and holidays.  We asked if anyone had questions and they did, but nothing dramatic.

Then we went to Subway and had dinner.  Then we went to a bookstore, but not for anything in particular.  Then we came home and played our favorite card game.

I have asked each of them individually how they are doing a few times over the weekend, and everyone is okay.  The youngest two are interested in where Dad’s apartment will be and hope it will be nice.  The older two haven’t said much.  Life is going on, it will be redefined of course, but we are all going to be okay.